The Weird, the Gross, the Funny, the Surprising
Thoughts on "Kinds of Kindness" and why we need stories that throw us for a loop.
Last weekend, a friend and I saw the new Yorgos Lanthimos movie Kinds of Kindness.
To call Lanthimos an oddball would be an understatement: He peppers his movies with the weird, the gross, the funny, and the awkward. And while the film didn’t work for me on every level, it did remind me how thrilling it is to constantly be surprised by a story. Just when you think you’ve found your bearings, the author hits the metaphorical “eject” button and sends you flying out of the plane and sometimes (if it works) into outer space. Into the beautiful strange.
Why do we love a surprise? The obvious answer is that much of everyday life is startingly predictable. Still, even. We love a reminder that human beings can be unpredictable and unencumbered by routine.
I think there’s more to it than just boredom, though. My working theory is that the media we consume can counterbalance our lives if we choose wisely. When things feel stuck and slow, stories let us live a harrowing existence—at least for a couple of hours. The opposite is also true: In periods of business and unpredictability, watching/reading something calm and emotional can feel like dunking your head in a cold lake, emerging anew.
Right now, I feel motionless. I’m waiting on news that could change my life or make me deeply sad for a time. I’m also consumed by political dread, asking myself and every smart person I know: What do you think happens next? How do we move forward? What do we do?
I’ll be fine (Ah, that millennial promise! “I’ll be fine! 🙃🙃🙃” ), but to balance all this stale energy, I need my media to be zany and… a little unhinged. No meandering! No long shots of people’s faces! No plastic bags blowing in the wind!
Take The Bear, for example, a series I adore. The show has been in narrative limbo this season, dwelling in the past while the present plotline stalls. At another time in my life, I may have adored this pacing, but it’s driving me nuts right now! I can’t deal! I don’t need my viewing habits to dilate my feelings of restlessness—okay?
I know it’s a “me problem,” but maybe it can also be a me solution.
Maybe part of practicing self care is taking note of what kind of balance we need in our media diets. Do we need a high-speed car chase or Mary Oliver’s poetry? Do we need a truly deranged Ottessa Moshfegh book or Call Me By Your Name? It’s a question worth asking.
I’m thinking now that so much of modern existence is about stealing back my autonomy. It’s the easiest thing in the world to move from one activity to the next without thought. My podcast queue flips forward. A new show comes out, so I watch it. An author I love releases a book, so I read it. Dinnertime comes, so I make dinner. I eat. The promise of Kinds of Kindness is the promise of pure chaos. It’s coming at me anyway, so I might as well create some of my own.
One last thing. I can’t remember who said this, but I think it was George Saunders. Anyway, he said that the secret to finding your voice as a writer is to practice autonomy in your writing. To make choices, to experiment. To be decisive but unattached to the outcome.
We can choose to surprise ourselves in what we make and what we consume. The weird, the gross, the funny, the surprising—there’s freedom in all of it.
Reading: Cleopatra and Frankenstein, Coco Mellors, Aesthetica, Allie Rowbottom
Watching: The Bear, Kinds of Kindness, A Quiet Place: Day One, MaXXXine
Eating: Rice Krispie Treats
Brilliant! Thought provoking….always something different with you.